Happily Divorced : A New Emerging Concept Challenging Social Pressure In India.

  

The tradition of marriage is practised  in  each and every country of the world. The form of marriage may differ from place to place or from society to society but the ultimate idea of marriage remains the same. In India marriage is of great importance as compared to other countries .

 

In Indian society marriage is considered to be sacred  since time immemorial and it is  still considered  to be so .It is believed that matrimonial bonds are muade in heaven and  cannot be broken by humans . This concept still exists but there seen a twist.  A section of people emerged in this decade who challenged this age old concept and they believed that marriage could be solemnized and dissolved by humans will and these are not a big deal . This outlook changed the entire story and it was just the beginning of the entirely new concept of  ‘Happily  divorced.

 

The new concept of ‘happily divorced’ is spreading its roots in India very rapidly and  youths have started accepting divorce as a right move toward their happiness , miracles, dreams and aspiration.

 

 

                              CONCEPT OF HAPPILY DIVORCED

 

India is a country where it is believed that for a happy household there needs to be a man and a woman. If man is the terrace of the home, women  is the foundation that holds everything together. In such a country where even Gods are worshipped with their spouse ,the concept of divorce is a far fetched thing.

 

Divorce is seen as unfortunate thing. Breaking up of marital bond is considered to be a matter of shame, stain on family reputation and a matter of doubt on woman’s character. It was believed that good daughters never return to their parents home back after marriage. In a patriarchal Indian society where  women are considered as weak and ‘abla’ it is believed that surviving alone for a woman is next to impossible as she is not well enough to support herself and always needed a man by her side. In such a socially structured society where doors of parents home are closed after marriage and where women cannot survive alone it is obvious that none of them ever want to get a divorce even though subjected to a lot of  cruelties, atrocities and humiliations. People feared in saying no to a failed marriage. Situations are also not so pleasant for men. A man who is divorced is understood as incapable in handling a family and particularly a woman. A man or woman being divorced is always sympathized for their failed marriage. Society tries to find mistake either with the person’s character or with the person’s nature whose marriage does not work out well. A person goes through emotional suffering, mental suffering, physical suffering etc. when  struck into a failed marriage . If they wish to come out of it they  always drag their feet back because of fear of society. Society is a major factor that makes divorce completely an unpleasant thing.

However it is surprising to see that a group of new generation people are emerging who  are bringing  up  an entire  new concept of marriage and divorce. They are challenging  the age old thinking regarding  divorce being an unfortunate thing. This group believed in a new form of divorce probably could be termed as happily divorced.

In very simple terms happily divorced means living one’s life independently      happy and creating  new life as of once choice after divorce without any regret, fear or social pressure. Its  all about healing and creating the best life after divorce. Its about celebrating the end of an intoxicated relation and happily saying goodbye to past life and starting a new journey without heavy heart.  Its  about feeling energetic and alive rather than emotionally drained and creating a healthier  ‘ Self World’ for future.

CAUSES FOR THE EMERGENCE OF CONCEPT OF      HAPPILY DIVORCED

 

One question is obvious to pop up in everyone’s mind that why there is a stark change in the concept of divorce in last one decade and why there immersed an altogether new concept of ‘happily divorced’. There could be many reasons for this and few of them are elaborately discussed below :

 

Economic independence

Earlier in maximum of the cases only one of the spouse used to earn and that also mainly male member and the women  used to be dependent on them for her  sustenance. Such a dependency of woman on men made her handicapped and see always needed a man to walk through the difficult part of her life. Such women never wished for  a divorce even though they became victims of a failed marriage. They  suffered  everything maybe just to save her marriage because they feared that how she Will manage herself for her entire life. They choose divorce only when it was forced on them by their husbands. After divorce they were never happy and considered themselves as unfortunate. They never thought that there exists of world beyond marriage and divorce.  They failed to realize  that  the worth of life is above continuous ongoing incidents in life and ups and downs. They  associated  their   marital knot with  happiness of their life and so breaking up off it will cost them their happiness and peace .

 

However rapidly the women are becoming self dependent, free and self sufficient.  Women are getting empowered and they are  enjoying financial freedom. Because of all these improvements  in women’s situation they are no longer dependent on a male for her  sustenance. Since there is no dependency on anyone it is easier for them to survive  and excel  after getting divorced. This group of women who are self sufficient does not believe divorce as taboo. They are comfortable enough to lead a happy life even after divorce rather than wasting entire life fighting with one another. So they are  choosing divorce as an option and living their life happily after divorce because they are able to arrange everything that they need for a comfortable living. Instead of cursing their fate they are living their lives happily  to their fullest and celebrating each moment.

 

 

Exposure to Global culture

We are living in an era of globalization where world is becoming a smaller village. In last 30 years we have seen the establishment of multinational corporations in India which led to a large number of Indians and foreigners to work together under one umbrella. Interaction of Indian youths increased drastically with the people from other countries. This mixing up of people led to the cultural diffusion and it resulted in the birth of altogether a new cultural pattern which could be termed as         multinational culture or global culture. The very root idea of global culture focuses on self love, self help, self  happiness ,life is Supreme and cannot be wasted for anything etc. These root ideas of global culture influenced Indian youths to a very large extent because they are exposed to it and these ideas are something really great concepts which are missing from Indian societies. Indian youths soon imbibed these ideas in many spheres of their life. They also implemented these ideas in their love marriage and divorce. They learned from people of other cultural background that if you cannot live happily together then it’s better to get separated and leave your life happily after divorce rather than feeling guilty or causing your fortune. This led to the emergence of a new concept of happily divorced.

 

 

Breaking up of social stigma

 At present Indian society is in a state of rapid growth and change. In today’s  modern society we  find an attitude of imbibing new things. There is a change in the traditional mindset of the Indian people. All of these things upto an extent changed the way the people looked at the dissolution of marriage. To an extent Indian  society is  prepared to deal with the divorce. To an extent society has started accepting divorce and in a way their reduced the looking down attitude and questioning the decision to end a marital bond. The social stigma that an individual  had to face after choosing diverse as an option also reduced to a considerable extent in cities and to a very small extent in villages. Metro cities has shown a drastic social acceptability towards  live- in  relationships and remarriage. This reduced social stigma and increased social acceptability encouraged people to  end intoxicated relationship without any fear of social outcast. And live  life happily after getting divorced. Today’s youth are not being emotionally and mentally forced by the society to remain sad and frustrated after divorce to show  that it’s a bad luck that has unfortunately came upon them. Discrimination towards divorced people has reduced and they are getting a comfortable space to live happily, enjoy their life and grow. So they’re living their life happily after divorce without cursing their decision and  facing mental trauma.

 

 

Realizing the worth of Life

Rate of education and its quality both has improved among  youths because of improvement in educational infrastructure of India. In tern educated youths are becoming      more rationalized  and their      thinking abilities are increasing considerably. They have understood that life is given to them for only once and if wasted won't come back again. So they have started realizing the worth of life. They have understood that life is above everything ‘in life’. It is so valuable that it can neither be wasted in quarrels and endless traumas of a failed marriage nor in cursing  one’s destiny and being unhappy after divorce. So after divorce rather than crying over their situations and feeling pretty on themselves they are moving towards peace, positivity, love and Liberty. There emerges a concept of happily divorced .

 

                          IMPACT OF HAPPILY DIVORCED

 

Less cases of post Divorce Depression

There is data regarding maximum of the couples going into depression after divorce. It seemed that depression has become one of the major outcomes of marriage failure and divorce There are large number of women  going into depression as compared to male ratios. Most of the couples faces mental trauma, depression and anxiety after separation because they feel a sense of loss ,failure ,incapability and it has been very difficult for them to accept sudden change in their life. But all these things went through some change after the emergence of a new concept of happily divorced. Since people are accepting divorce very happily and taking it just as a part and parcel of life they stopped dwelling on what they can’t control and this attitude has reduced a lot of post divorce depression cases. The concept of happily divorced has also reduced the number of post divorce suicides because instead of suiciding people are moving towards constructive ideas and things.

 

Improvement in physical Health Divorce has an adverse impact on the physical health of a person. Due to high level of stress and anxiety people becomes less physically active which leads to obesity.  stress puts more pressure on heart leading to the increased chances of heart attacks in future. Blood pressure is one of the most popular outcome of stress and often seen in people dealing with failed marriage and post marital separations. Many of the physical health issues after divorce comes from stress and anxiety which are common outcomes of it but when couples are dealing with divorce with  positive attitude and happily accepting it  as a part of life there is almost no cases of stress and depression among them and in turn there are negligible cases of physical health issues.

 

Better work performance

The impact of divorce on the work performance has been horrible. People struggling through divorce are often missing their deadline and have poor work performance. Divorce  results into  absenteeism, reduced concentration, less productivity ,increased error in  works etc. because of a high anxiety and stress label after post divorce. There are a lot more Post divorce issues concerned with working people such as it leads to argument in workplace, hostile attitude in work environment and breakdown of professional ties Etc.

A workplace is a very delicate environment and it needs motivated ,emotionally fit and happy workers to achieve objectives. When couples are happy, positive and not emotionally drained after getting divorced they are  able to contribute as a normal employee towards their work and achieve targets.

 

A step towards  Dreams

Marriage comes with responsibilities and divorce comes with depression. Marriage often cost dreams . A married couples  usually has a lot of responsibilities. They need to manage home, work, families ,relations etc. and they are hardly left with any time to contribute towards their dreams.  On other hand after divorce people are so emotionally, mentally and financially drained that they don’t have enough courage to go after their dreams. Today when youths are taking divorce as a positive and a hopeful thing it is helping them a lot to realize their dead dreams. After divorce peoples are having a lot of leisure time and when being happy and satisfied they are going towards realizing their dreams, doing creative things and learning new skills. In this way the concept of happily divorced is helping them in many ways in taking a step towards their dreams and aspiration.

HAPPILY DIVORCED : CHALLENGING  SOCIAL PRESSURE

 

Social pressure generally refers to the force that society applies to influence an individual. In layman’s term it could be said that social pressure are the set standard that society and generations  set for us. The arena of it is so wide and large. Let’s take the example of few social standards which are already set for us like making a good career, buying a home ,getting married on a proper age, having children ,following family culture etc. Social pressure just a tool by which society forces individual to walk on the same path on which generations have walked. Social forces restricts individual to such a great extent that it deprives them of their free thinking, making choices and to explored new paths.

 

Indian society forces couples to stay in stifling marriages and if one percent out of those couples manages to end up in divorce for their better tomorrow ,society expects them to live  a life of shame and regret. Things are even more hard  for divorced women  because it was expected from them to leave like a widow, left and failed woman crying over their fate, destiny and situation. There are many questions on their character if they talk  to some other men or go out with them after  divorce. Men            are also criticized to a very large extent if they faces  divorce . They often get to hear that he is not  capable of handling a woman. Social pressure always creates fear in the mind of the people that if they dare to venture out of the established norms ,rules and regulations of the society they will be outcasted, judged  and  ridiculed.  Because of this  fear no one dares to go against the social pressure. Today’s young and upcoming generations are challenging this social pressure. They are giving priorities to their life rather than what society expects them to do. They are setting themselves free from the social pressure. The concept of happily divorced has started the spreading its root in India. They are going out of their home without shame of failed marriage and divorce. They are exploring world and doing the things of their choice without societies approval. They are  living, laughing and celebrating each day of their life even after divorce and  they  are no more concerned about society’s expectation of crying over their fate by  sitting at home. The  most important of all is that they are not sad over breaking up of their marital ties rather they are  happy that they ended an intoxicated chapter of their life and have started a new chapter. Youths by going against the expectations of society and doing things of their choice after divorce ,is  challenging social pressure.

 

                            DIVORCE COULD BE BEAUTIFUL

 

There are many people from Real life who are bringing up the concept of happily divorced and underlying the idea that divorce could be beautiful. It is not possible to mention about all of them but few of them who proved divorce as  beginning of a happy life are talked below :

 

1. Shasvathi Siva

                Shasvathi Siva is a 27 year old Mumbai based female entrepreneur who is excited and relieved after divorce. She wrote on her Facebook “divorce is       FFFFFINAL and I want  divorce to look good too”. She had thrown a divorce         party to thank everyone who stood by her side in all the hardships and for getting out of an intoxicated relationship. She said that it is fairly justified to celebrate the end of a marriage which  never worked out well. Now she is ‘happily divorced’

 

2.Comedian Kaneez Surka

Comedian Kaneez Surka said in an interview that her divorce forced  her to make a career in comedy which was just a hobby for her before. To counter the vacuum that was created in her life because of divorce she started her career in comedy. Her comedy was based on the theme of happily divorced.

 

 3.Neha Vyas

Neha Vyas  is a Mumbai based theater artist who claims that her life has become much more lively after divorce.  She took the charge of her own happiness after divorce then  destigmatizing  divorce. She does poetry and events on the concept of happily divorce. Now she is also  working in one of the upcoming short movie on theme ‘diverse is OK’.

 

                                                         CONCLUSION

At large Divorce is still a taboo in Indian society. It is still considered to be an offbeat thing and it is not celebrated practiced in our society. Situations were  even worse if we walk two  decade back.   Before 20 years there was no concept of happily divorced in upper middle class or rather for most of the upper class families. Happily divorced probably a thing existed in Bollywood before 20 years. But slowly it made its way even to the upper middle class families of India. Even though it came to young generation but still it is confined largely to the working couples an educated ones . It will take time for the concept of ‘ Happily Divorced’ to  spread over entire India